Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.
Mary: Tell me about it! I went golfing with my husband one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!
Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask?
Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions...like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"
Two lawyers, Jon and Chuck, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Chuck a bet. “Let's say we bet $50.”
Chuck agrees and they're off.
After the 8th hole, Chuck is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. “Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he said to Jon.
After a few minutes, neither have any luck and a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Chuck pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. “I've found my ball!!!” he announces.
Jon looks at him. “After all of the years we've been partners and playing together, you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?”
“What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!”
“And you're a liar, too!” Jon said. “I’ll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”
A gushy reporter told Jack Nicklaus, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Nicklaus replied, "The holes are numbered".
"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad, I couldn't see where the ball went."
"You're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife. "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"Yes, but he's got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Did you see where it went?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."
An American goes over to Scotland for the first time to play golf. His first game is at the old course at St. Andrews where he gets paired up with three local scots. He tees it up at the first hole & proceeds to knock it out of bounds. He immedeately reaches into his pocket & pulls out another ball & tees it up. He turns to his playing partners and ask,
"Hey, What do you call mulligans over Here?"
In Unison they replied "THREE"
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he got, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do. The urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant and told him that he was sick and could not attend church. Then he packed up the car, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he's doing." God nodded in agreement.
The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung, and the ball sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A perfect hole-in-one. The preacher was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."
God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"
